If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize