im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
