so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
