A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
