god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize