Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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