Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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