i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
