I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I bet he comes in French.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
