Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
