i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
