found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
