she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
