You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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