I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
