I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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