We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
