She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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