oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
