Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
