for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
