every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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