I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
third nipple confirmed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize