i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
