i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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