i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
