I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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