I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize