I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
