I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You did what with his pubic hair?
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