remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
