He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
