ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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