I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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