He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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