I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize