I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
