we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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