I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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