bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
