I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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