I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
