Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize