You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
