Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
