The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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