How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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