You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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