oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
