I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
