You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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