did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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