it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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