who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
