im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
