Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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