I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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