It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
