That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
