i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize