Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
