another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
