A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
