sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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