If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
is it fun? or sober?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
