Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize