phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
