First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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