She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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