This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
