She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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