Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
