I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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