i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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