I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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