the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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