Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
