Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
