he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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