I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
