smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
