if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
