She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize