Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That accounts for only three of the penises
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
