Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
