bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize