You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
