All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
