Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
