dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
