can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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