I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
