The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
