you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
