I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
