I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
