honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
