Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
MIDGETS
????
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
