are you so shy because you have an std?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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