I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
