Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
