How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
