and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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