what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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