This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
