1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
