Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
