Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize