even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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