She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
